Maybe
by Benedetta
Summary: Why did Mac take that ring? Post Boomerang. Warning: might hurt shippers, handle carefully


Title: Maybe Author: Benedetta (feedback is highly appreciated. Post to: benedettaonjag@yahoo.com.au) Rating: PGpul Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. never did, never will. Spoilers: Everything up to Boomerang II Summary: Why did Mac take that ring? Author's notes: October 2002. It's my very first fanfic. I know it's a bit out of date, but no one really dealt with why the hell did Mac accept Mic's ring (and what very likely she did along with taking it - shippers shuddering at the thought!) and I felt like doing it. Hope it's not too bad, "be gentle". Thanks to Tammy for betaing.  
  
  
  
Why exactly did I do this? The question keeps roaring in my head.  
  
WHY WHY WHY WHY.  
  
I listen to his peaceful breathing, as he lays here next to me. I'm with a stranger in a strange bed. It was not supposed to be like this, I was not supposed to be here at all. Why did I do this? Trouble is I know the reason all to well, but it doesn't help any. The reason is a tall and handsome sailor, brilliant lawyer too. Unfortunately, not the one laying next to me now.  
  
Harm pushed me away once again. He's been doing it for a long while now. Maybe even from the beginning. Then, the excuse was that I stirred long lost painful memories of Diane. I can understand that: "Hello! Meet the woman who's a dead ring of the first woman you really loved, the one you'll never have a chance with, because Destiny decided otherwise". It mustn't have been pleasant.  
  
For a long time, I thought he saw only her looking at me. But, then, we started growing closer everyday in this partnership, learning how to trust each other. You know, it was strange for me to trust someone, to lean onto someone, giving my personal history. I was so used to handle everything by myself, never letting my guard down. Harm went beyond those barriers. He earned my trust, he earned my respect and, before I knew it, he won my heart as well.  
  
I realised just how important he was for me, when he decided to go back to flying. It's such an important part of him, flying, I know that and I wouldn't take him any other way. It's just the way Harm is: the jet-jockey flyboy, cocky and arrogant, lager than life and so sure of himself that at times it's scary. That's what he is. Along with being the caring friend, who stood by me, even when I wouldn't have bet on me myself, being the man seeking truth and justice, brave beyond belief. On top of this, flying is also the closest tie he has got to his father.  
  
Knowing it 'though, didn't help the way I felt: betrayed, abandoned; yet another person I loved was leaving me behind, just like my mum did.  
  
But he came back. I know I wasn't exactly the cheerleader of the welcoming committee, when he did, but I was scared. Terrified, in fact, that, if I allowed him into my heart again (get real, MacKenzie, when exactly did you ever kicked him out of it? As if.), he would hurt me again, just as bad as he did when he left, just as bad as on the Waverton, when he told me we were not into a marriage, just as bad as when Chris died.  
  
I don't know what possessed me to say what I said on that damned ferry last night. It was just that all the feelings I fought with in the past year, all the feelings I kept carefully bottled up into my heart, couldn't take it anymore and had to get out. Maybe "location doesn't change who we are", as Harm said, but sure as hell it makes you feel less the restraints of regs, the fear of consequences. Or maybe the Aussie sun is too strong, even for a jar-head like me, and it fried my brain, I'm not sure. Is there anything I am sure about at the moment?  
  
Mic pulls me slightly closer into his embrace, without waking up.  
  
. Mic.  
  
Mic turned up tonight, wearing his heart on his sleeves, offering me everything I ever dreamed of, pursuing me, like no one had before, making me feel so loved and wanted, right when I felt I was worth nothing. I don't love him, I know I don't, but I love the way he makes me feel, like the most amazing thing that could happen to a man. It's a powerful feeling, especially when most of your life led you to think otherwise. God, I know, it's wrong, I know he deserves someone who can love him with her whole heart, but right now wearing his ring is so tempting.  
  
Maybe it would even make Harm realise I AM worthy of something, maybe it would make him realise he has feelings for me (because I keep thinking, against impossible odds, that he does. I must be delusional), maybe it could work. Maybe, just maybe.  
  
The End 


End file.
